had a bad day....

well it started out pretty bad. i made it to work, and i havent been going to get dosed on the mornings that i go in at 5am. and i dont get off until 12, and its not the lenght of time that the shift is, i just cant go get doesed after work becuse the clinic closes at 11AM (of course). and ofcourse my schedule has made it almost impossible to get to see my counsoler. so this morning i realized since i didnt get my full dose yesterdau eother, about an hour into my shift im getting the hotcold sweats and chills, which for someone like me is the most annoying inconvenience in the universe. i debating asking art to let me go. i decided i would, then not too, then i would, then i wouldnt, and it came to be so unbearable i just walked up to art and started vomiting words im not sure what i said but i know he told me it was cool to go to the clinic, just hurry! im like, yes!!! this is great...la la la going to the clinic and now i can go back to work and feel great and forget about time and work through my shift and get the day punished except only when im pulling into the parking lot i realize my lockbox is sitting on the floor in my room at my house and my fucking takehome bottle is in the lockbox. FML! i say a quick prayer and ofcourse i get denied. i was LIVID nor only did my boss bend over to do me a favor he DEFINATELY could have said F U and sucks to be u and not only now do i have to be sweaty and burning hot and freezing cold at the same time all day and later on achey and then sick and vomiting and then turning into a delirious crazy dope-fiending junkie that looks like freak but i also feel like the biggest jerkoff for being turned away and made look like a fool AND an asshole for making art believe i felt great for the rest of the day when really i just wanted to implode into a tiny ball of goo and dig my own eyes out of my head just to ignore the ill. MAN! so what was i suposed to do? i think maybe its time to switch clinics. im sorry but i cant risk my new job being lost because of their dumbass policy. I always hear people say that other clinics are so much better than open door, but apparently they have the best methadone.